reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
