dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
