You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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