You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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