I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
