I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I came so hard my ears popped.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
