He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize