too bad you live with your parents still
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
