I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
