This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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