Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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