I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
