College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
