I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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