Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
