You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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