So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
