Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
