Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize