I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This baby is an asshole
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
