I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
