woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
