They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
