Umm I'm too high to move.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
