the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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