I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
