His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
