This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
