Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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