That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize