That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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