I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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