I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
