youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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