And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
