i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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