Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
