Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
