Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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