Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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