sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
