weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
