he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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