guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
