So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
