So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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