my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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