The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
