Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
