I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
