Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
