My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
