Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she smelled like a LAN party
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
