I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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