I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
