Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
