No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
