i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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