im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize