He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
