think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
As shirtless as possible
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
