I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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