i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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