I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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