I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
