it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
