No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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