You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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