You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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